Sunday, October 08, 2006

Happy 4th Birthday baby girls!

Here I am…reflecting on another year gone by. I can’t believe that my precious miracles are four years old today. FOUR! How does the time pass so quickly?

Seems like just a few months ago that I was sitting in the hospital waiting to have a C-section, scared beyond belief, but yet calm, feeling confident that everything was going to work out exactly how it was supposed to. Where does that confident feeling come from? Well, for me, I know it comes from my faith. I’ve been through many trials over the years…divorce, infertility, miscarriage, and losing a baby. Through it all, I’ve learned many things about myself, my strength and about the support of my friends and family. I think that each heartache, in a way, prepared me for the next, almost like another coat of armor, so to speak. Not that that armor protects you from future events, but each situation, each tribulation, has shaped me into the person that I am today.

Four years ago, I remember thinking why? Why couldn’t I get pregnant on my own? Why did I have a miscarriage? Why did I lose our son, Seth? Why couldn’t I just have a normal pregnancy, not one with all the shots, the blood draws, the monitoring, the cerclage, the bedrest, the pre-eclampsia? I thought for sure that after 15 years of dealing with infertility, I'd be able to have a baby. And now THIS? Now I have to go through possibly losing two more babies, two precious girls who barely weigh a pound? But yet, I still felt certain that everything would be okay, even at my lowest moments, when Lindsey was fighting for her life on the oscillator or seeing one of my babies being bagged time and time again. It was a quiet assuredness that I felt, but really can’t explain. I knew that nothing was in my control or even the doctor’s control. We would all do the best we could with what we had, but in the end, how they fared wasn’t up to us.

I thank God every day for having this time with my daughters. I look at them even now, and say to myself…I can’t believe there are TWO! I can’t believe they are mine! I can’t believe these girls weighed only a pound. A pound! They bring me such joy and happiness (frustration too, but I’ll take that). I am so proud, so honored and so grateful to be their mother.

They are so alike, and yet so different. Lindsey, I've always called my girls of extremes. She is either one way or another, really sweet and loving or the opposite! LOL! Sydney is more even keeled, straight and steady. It's funny how this is exactly how they were pegged in the hospital too, and it's carried forward.

So, I leave you with a few pictures…documenting the past four years. Thank you all for sharing these years with me. I truly believe that we meet each other for a reason. We learn so much from each other. We take and we give. If you are interested in reading about Lindsey & Sydney's first days and months, it's all documented at their Caring Bridge page. Click on previous journals.

21 weeks - the only pregnancy picture I have
I delivered three short weeks later
21 Weeks

Lindsey Faith - about 10 days old
Lindsey Faith

Sydney Paige - about 10 days old
Sydney Paige

Kangaroo Care
Daddy and Lindsey Mommy and her girl

Six months old
Six months old.

One Year Old
Now we're ONE!

Sydney - Two Years old

Lindsey - Two Years old

Lindsey & Sydney - We're THREE now!
We're THREE now!

Stay tuned for our birthday pics! We're having a family party today and it's going to be a great day! I love you baby girls!

1 comment:

AmyElle said...

Happy Birthday Lindsey and Sydney! I can't believe it has been 4 years. I hope you all had a wonderful day.

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