Lindsey's new eye glasses AND a special Anniversary!

Well, we picked up Lindsey's new glasses last week and it's been going really well! She's been keeping them on with no problems. She does have a tendency to touch the lenses a lot, so we do need to work on that. I haven't noticed any problems with her eye turning in anymore. She says that she can see good too, so I'm sure that's why she likes having them on. Of course, everyone is telling her how cute she looks and how grown up she is! Which she does! I was thinking that Sydney might be a little envious of all the attention Lindsey is getting but she's been just fine. In fact, she's usually telling everyone she sees, "Look at my sister's new glasses!" It's so cute! We go back in early March for a check. I'm really hoping that her eyes will correct and she won't need the glasses anymore like they said would probably happen, but if not, that's okay too. I'm a long time wearer of glasses (5th grade), and I know there are worse things. After we picked up her glasses, we headed over to Daddy's work, picked him up and took him out to lunch at Culvers. The girls LOVED that! Ice cream! Plus it's always fun visiting daddy's work.

Other than that, things are just normal around here. The girls both still LOVE preschool and I love hearing from their teacher. She always has such great things to say about how much they are learning and how they pick up on things. What I really like about this small class is that it is mixed with 3, 4, and 5 year olds. It's been a really good thing.

I'm really noticing some differences in the girls. Lindsey is really into the fine motor things. She writes well and holds her pencil perfectly. She paints every day and loves to color, draw pictures and use all her stickers. She's just really into those type things. Oh, and singing! Now Sydney is much more into the gross motor things. She is already dribbling, loves to play catch, and can bounce and catch a ball like a pro. She's also really into puzzles and has great concentration and focus. Oh, and she loves to spell.

They both like to do all the things that I mentioned, just some differences are emerging. They LOVE to play outside in the snow and I think their favorite toy at the moment is their My Little Pony's. They love when I read to them too. And of course, the stories that they come up with! It's just such fun listening to them!

I'm doing some reflecting today, because it's a very special day. Four years ago today, we brought our baby girls home from the hospital, after 114 days in the NICU and just five days after their original due date! Lindsey weighed 4.5 and Sydney weighed 5.5 lbs. There were days where I wasn't sure what was going to happen, especially with Lindsey. She was on the vent for such a long time (11 weeks!) and her time on the oscillator was very stressful. All the blood transfusions and ROP and Eye surgery...

Frankly, they are miracles to me. Not just because of all they went through, but MOSTLY because of them not having any long term issues since coming home. Yes, Lindsey did come home on oxygen and Sydney failed her car seat test, and both had reflux bad for a couple years and feeding issues. Yes, they are still quite tiny, but never any developmental delays, no therapies, no OT, PT, ST, no hospital stays due to being sick, no breathing treatments, but still the worry! It's really pretty unbelievable considering where they started and what they went through. Miraculous.

I can't believe that it's been four years. They are just growing up too fast. Much of the time in my adult life, I really didn't think I'd even have any children. I've been so fortunate to be able to have this journey. It's taught me so much, mostly about enjoying each and every moment with them, and celebrating every milestone! I am blessed and grateful. Thank you, my precious daughters.

Sounds just like me!

You Belong in Dublin

Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions. You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town.

What European City Do You Belong In?

A YEAR OF COLOR: Carnation Pink

My girl in CARNATION PINK

I missed last week, but I found a good picture for this week. Carnation Pink. This is Lindsey watching fish in the pond. We were on vacation in Chattanooga, TN.

You can check out other pictures at A Year of Color Pool at Flickr.

Remembering my sweet baby boy...

…an angel, a dream lost, a precious gift. Although gone too soon, he taught me so many things about myself, my husband, my friends, about love and loss, about caring and compassion…about life.

Seth Allan, born still, January 20, 2002, at 5:35 p.m. He weighed 8 oz. and was 9 inches long. He was a beautiful baby. I could see our features in him. He had my nose and Brian’s mouth. I couldn't believe this was happening to us. Not now. Not after all these years of waiting and wanting. Years of infertility treatments. A miscarriage. Weeks and weeks of bedrest and bleeding. No, this couldn't be happening now. But it did...and very dark days followed. But eventually, the days got a little lighter and my crying happened less and less. You are tucked away in my heart, a very special place that only you hold.

He’s celebrating his fifth birthday in Heaven today. I can’t help but imagine how different my life would be if he were here. At one time I had a very hard time thinking along those lines, because if he was here, in my mind, that meant that Lindsey and Sydney would not be. I couldn’t go there. So I kept my thoughts and feelings of Seth close to my heart. I still do, but I’ve worked through that now. He can hold a very special piece of my heart and I can think of him, remember him, celebrate my time with him (even the roller coaster pregnancy), and feel good. Maybe it just takes five years to do that.

I’ve been looking at the mementos I have of Seth, reading poems that spoke to me and ones that I had written; thoughts of me on a page. I’d like to share a couple.

Written by me, 1-22-2002

Our Precious Little Son, Seth Allan

You were our hope of a beautiful future
One filled with little boy things-
Watching you grow to become a man.

We waited so long for you,
But it was not to be
For on that day in January
You, our precious, perfect son
Came into the world and left again.

You had your mommy’s nose
And your daddy’s mouth-
And all the other qualities
We will never know.

But those few timeless hours with you
Were the happiest and saddest moments in my life.
Your daddy and I held you and kissed you,
Prayed for you and sang to you.

We miss you so much, dear little Seth.
We will meet you again one day-
And have eternity to spend together.

Love always, Mommy and Daddy

Written 1-22-2002

My dear baby boy, Seth.

Mommy woke up this morning, crying for you. I felt lost without you and the thought that I’ll never see you grow to be a fine man tears at my heart. But I heard you today. You spoke to mommy and said, “Be strong, mommy” “I am here.” I could feel you right here with me, but only for a moment.

I know you are in a happy place – and our heavenly Father is taking care of you and that brings me some comfort. I will always miss you- dear little boy.

I love you.

Mommy

I will light your candle today, remembering you and always...always loving and missing you.

Separation and the eye doctor

I took Lindsey to get her eyes checked at the pediatric opthamologist yesterday. A while ago I was noticing that one of her eyes seemed to turn in once in awhile and then she would close it. I kept my eye on it for a week or so to see if it was just a fluke. Then her preschool teacher brought it up and I had just made the appointment. I explained to the teacher about the girl’s history with ROP (Retinopathy of Prematurity) and laser eye surgery when they were in the NICU and she apologized to me for not bringing it up sooner. I asked if she had noticed it for awhile, because it had only been about two weeks for me, and that's what she said too.

Here's an example of how after her eye turns in, then she closes it.

It was a pretty traumatic experience for her today. She hadn't been there since 2004, so I don't think she remembered much about the drill. When they got to the point where they dialated her eyes (used a spray), she freaked and started screaming and crying. We went back out into the waiting room for 30 minutes. She calmed down and played a little bit. Then they called us back again, and this is when we saw the opthamologist. She is really good with kids, but Lindsey was not cooperating. She wouldn't open her eyes for her. Granted we had been there for over an hour by now. Dr. S gave her a couple chances/warnings and then she had to call in a helper and we had to lay her down. I had to hold her arms and the helper had hold open her eyelids so Dr. S could look at them. So, then Linds totally went into freak/crying mode. It was horrible. Dr. S kept asking, "Are you doing okay mom?" I said, ”Yes, let's just get this done!” After she was done, then Lindsey went into full blown tantrum, she was so mad at me, swinging her arms and crying so hard I thought she was going to throw up! I could barely hear Dr. S talking.

But in the end, she has to get glasses. Apparently, at the last check both girls were slightly far-sighted which she said many kids are at that age. It usually corrects on its own and doesn't warrant glasses. In Lindsey's case, her right is the same as it was before (+.75), but her left eye +2.5) has gotten significantly worse, which is what is causing her eye to turn in. As for the internal parts of the eye (which is what I always worry about due to the ROP), they look really HEALTHY! Dr. S said that she needs to wear them 100% of the time while she's awake and over time, it should correct.

So, after all that, I took her out, got her some water, made a follow-up appt in 8 weeks and then we walked around a little bit before we went back in to the optician side and picked out some glasses. She's not that excited about wearing them, and I think once we get them it will be a challenge, but she DID warm up when we were looking at them and I said, "Look Lindsey, these are Disney Princess glasses!" So, that's what we got in pink! Oh, and she is SUCH a peanut. We kept trying ones on having to go to smaller and smaller sizes. They'll be ready in about a week and a half.

Then, we proceeded to have the fun part of our day. We went shopping, to McDonald's and to visit a friend at her work where Lindsey loves to go. Of course everyone was asking where the other one was.

Then on the way home before she fell asleep in the car, she said to me, "Momma, I really like our day together, you and me." Awwwwwww...so SWEET!

The BIG test was the separation. I took Sydney to school while Lindsey & I will went to the doctor alone. They do NOT do well separated. I don't know if I told you about all that. We've been trying to just take one or the other on little errands. Recently, Brian ran to get Chinese takeout and took Lindsey with him. OMG! You'd think we cut off an arm!! Sydney cried the entire time (a half an hour) they were gone saying how she missed her sister, I love Lindsey, etc. They called while they were gone and she was still crying and got on the phone to talk to Lindsey. She was saying the same things. I miss you Lindsey. You're the best sister ever. Yada. Yada. Yada. And when they were reunited! Holy smokes, you'd think they hadn't seen each other for a year! That time it was just a spur of the moment thing and with them, I really have to talk about things ahead of time, so we had been talking about Sydney going to school and Lindsey coming with me. This time it was Lindsey who was all upset, but we got it worked out. I really just tried to make it seem like a big adventure with mom, doctor, lunch, etc.

I guess I prepared them well for the day, because they were just fine. It was SO CUTE too. When I dropped Sydney at school, Lindsey says to her, "Bye Sydney, have a good day at school today!" Then Sydney says, "Bye Lindsey, have a good day at the eye doctor!" Followed by the "I'll miss you’s". Their reuniting went well too. Sydney was really happy to see us and the first thing she wanted to see were Lindsey's eyes.

They are really sweet with each other. It warms my heart.

A YEAR OF COLOR: Tumbleweed

TUMBLEWEED - Cinnamon Cider candle

Starting something new for the year. They are halfway through, but thought I'd jump in anyway.

Fun stuff!

Forgot to post this last month...

I have another one too, but for some reason it's on my mom's computer. I'll have to post that one too.

This is Sydney.


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FINALLY!

It's January 1, for Pete's sake and we live in Minnesota! Our kids should get to play in the snow before now! They really enjoyed being outside today, even if it's not much. It's a good thing they got out too, because it's going to all melt within a couple days anyway.

I imagine we'll get a ton of snow at the end of March, maybe even April this year. That seems to be how it usually works. Oh, well..

HAPPY NEW YEAR!