Lindsey's new eye glasses AND a special Anniversary!

Well, we picked up Lindsey's new glasses last week and it's been going really well! She's been keeping them on with no problems. She does have a tendency to touch the lenses a lot, so we do need to work on that. I haven't noticed any problems with her eye turning in anymore. She says that she can see good too, so I'm sure that's why she likes having them on. Of course, everyone is telling her how cute she looks and how grown up she is! Which she does! I was thinking that Sydney might be a little envious of all the attention Lindsey is getting but she's been just fine. In fact, she's usually telling everyone she sees, "Look at my sister's new glasses!" It's so cute! We go back in early March for a check. I'm really hoping that her eyes will correct and she won't need the glasses anymore like they said would probably happen, but if not, that's okay too. I'm a long time wearer of glasses (5th grade), and I know there are worse things. After we picked up her glasses, we headed over to Daddy's work, picked him up and took him out to lunch at Culvers. The girls LOVED that! Ice cream! Plus it's always fun visiting daddy's work.

Other than that, things are just normal around here. The girls both still LOVE preschool and I love hearing from their teacher. She always has such great things to say about how much they are learning and how they pick up on things. What I really like about this small class is that it is mixed with 3, 4, and 5 year olds. It's been a really good thing.

I'm really noticing some differences in the girls. Lindsey is really into the fine motor things. She writes well and holds her pencil perfectly. She paints every day and loves to color, draw pictures and use all her stickers. She's just really into those type things. Oh, and singing! Now Sydney is much more into the gross motor things. She is already dribbling, loves to play catch, and can bounce and catch a ball like a pro. She's also really into puzzles and has great concentration and focus. Oh, and she loves to spell.

They both like to do all the things that I mentioned, just some differences are emerging. They LOVE to play outside in the snow and I think their favorite toy at the moment is their My Little Pony's. They love when I read to them too. And of course, the stories that they come up with! It's just such fun listening to them!

I'm doing some reflecting today, because it's a very special day. Four years ago today, we brought our baby girls home from the hospital, after 114 days in the NICU and just five days after their original due date! Lindsey weighed 4.5 and Sydney weighed 5.5 lbs. There were days where I wasn't sure what was going to happen, especially with Lindsey. She was on the vent for such a long time (11 weeks!) and her time on the oscillator was very stressful. All the blood transfusions and ROP and Eye surgery...

Frankly, they are miracles to me. Not just because of all they went through, but MOSTLY because of them not having any long term issues since coming home. Yes, Lindsey did come home on oxygen and Sydney failed her car seat test, and both had reflux bad for a couple years and feeding issues. Yes, they are still quite tiny, but never any developmental delays, no therapies, no OT, PT, ST, no hospital stays due to being sick, no breathing treatments, but still the worry! It's really pretty unbelievable considering where they started and what they went through. Miraculous.

I can't believe that it's been four years. They are just growing up too fast. Much of the time in my adult life, I really didn't think I'd even have any children. I've been so fortunate to be able to have this journey. It's taught me so much, mostly about enjoying each and every moment with them, and celebrating every milestone! I am blessed and grateful. Thank you, my precious daughters.

Sounds just like me!

You Belong in Dublin

Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions. You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town.

What European City Do You Belong In?

A YEAR OF COLOR: Carnation Pink

My girl in CARNATION PINK

I missed last week, but I found a good picture for this week. Carnation Pink. This is Lindsey watching fish in the pond. We were on vacation in Chattanooga, TN.

You can check out other pictures at A Year of Color Pool at Flickr.

Remembering my sweet baby boy...

…an angel, a dream lost, a precious gift. Although gone too soon, he taught me so many things about myself, my husband, my friends, about love and loss, about caring and compassion…about life.

Seth Allan, born still, January 20, 2002, at 5:35 p.m. He weighed 8 oz. and was 9 inches long. He was a beautiful baby. I could see our features in him. He had my nose and Brian’s mouth. I couldn't believe this was happening to us. Not now. Not after all these years of waiting and wanting. Years of infertility treatments. A miscarriage. Weeks and weeks of bedrest and bleeding. No, this couldn't be happening now. But it did...and very dark days followed. But eventually, the days got a little lighter and my crying happened less and less. You are tucked away in my heart, a very special place that only you hold.

He’s celebrating his fifth birthday in Heaven today. I can’t help but imagine how different my life would be if he were here. At one time I had a very hard time thinking along those lines, because if he was here, in my mind, that meant that Lindsey and Sydney would not be. I couldn’t go there. So I kept my thoughts and feelings of Seth close to my heart. I still do, but I’ve worked through that now. He can hold a very special piece of my heart and I can think of him, remember him, celebrate my time with him (even the roller coaster pregnancy), and feel good. Maybe it just takes five years to do that.

I’ve been looking at the mementos I have of Seth, reading poems that spoke to me and ones that I had written; thoughts of me on a page. I’d like to share a couple.

Written by me, 1-22-2002

Our Precious Little Son, Seth Allan

You were our hope of a beautiful future
One filled with little boy things-
Watching you grow to become a man.

We waited so long for you,
But it was not to be
For on that day in January
You, our precious, perfect son
Came into the world and left again.

You had your mommy’s nose
And your daddy’s mouth-
And all the other qualities
We will never know.

But those few timeless hours with you
Were the happiest and saddest moments in my life.
Your daddy and I held you and kissed you,
Prayed for you and sang to you.

We miss you so much, dear little Seth.
We will meet you again one day-
And have eternity to spend together.

Love always, Mommy and Daddy

Written 1-22-2002

My dear baby boy, Seth.

Mommy woke up this morning, crying for you. I felt lost without you and the thought that I’ll never see you grow to be a fine man tears at my heart. But I heard you today. You spoke to mommy and said, “Be strong, mommy” “I am here.” I could feel you right here with me, but only for a moment.

I know you are in a happy place – and our heavenly Father is taking care of you and that brings me some comfort. I will always miss you- dear little boy.

I love you.

Mommy

I will light your candle today, remembering you and always...always loving and missing you.

Separation and the eye doctor

I took Lindsey to get her eyes checked at the pediatric opthamologist yesterday. A while ago I was noticing that one of her eyes seemed to turn in once in awhile and then she would close it. I kept my eye on it for a week or so to see if it was just a fluke. Then her preschool teacher brought it up and I had just made the appointment. I explained to the teacher about the girl’s history with ROP (Retinopathy of Prematurity) and laser eye surgery when they were in the NICU and she apologized to me for not bringing it up sooner. I asked if she had noticed it for awhile, because it had only been about two weeks for me, and that's what she said too.

Here's an example of how after her eye turns in, then she closes it.

It was a pretty traumatic experience for her today. She hadn't been there since 2004, so I don't think she remembered much about the drill. When they got to the point where they dialated her eyes (used a spray), she freaked and started screaming and crying. We went back out into the waiting room for 30 minutes. She calmed down and played a little bit. Then they called us back again, and this is when we saw the opthamologist. She is really good with kids, but Lindsey was not cooperating. She wouldn't open her eyes for her. Granted we had been there for over an hour by now. Dr. S gave her a couple chances/warnings and then she had to call in a helper and we had to lay her down. I had to hold her arms and the helper had hold open her eyelids so Dr. S could look at them. So, then Linds totally went into freak/crying mode. It was horrible. Dr. S kept asking, "Are you doing okay mom?" I said, ”Yes, let's just get this done!” After she was done, then Lindsey went into full blown tantrum, she was so mad at me, swinging her arms and crying so hard I thought she was going to throw up! I could barely hear Dr. S talking.

But in the end, she has to get glasses. Apparently, at the last check both girls were slightly far-sighted which she said many kids are at that age. It usually corrects on its own and doesn't warrant glasses. In Lindsey's case, her right is the same as it was before (+.75), but her left eye +2.5) has gotten significantly worse, which is what is causing her eye to turn in. As for the internal parts of the eye (which is what I always worry about due to the ROP), they look really HEALTHY! Dr. S said that she needs to wear them 100% of the time while she's awake and over time, it should correct.

So, after all that, I took her out, got her some water, made a follow-up appt in 8 weeks and then we walked around a little bit before we went back in to the optician side and picked out some glasses. She's not that excited about wearing them, and I think once we get them it will be a challenge, but she DID warm up when we were looking at them and I said, "Look Lindsey, these are Disney Princess glasses!" So, that's what we got in pink! Oh, and she is SUCH a peanut. We kept trying ones on having to go to smaller and smaller sizes. They'll be ready in about a week and a half.

Then, we proceeded to have the fun part of our day. We went shopping, to McDonald's and to visit a friend at her work where Lindsey loves to go. Of course everyone was asking where the other one was.

Then on the way home before she fell asleep in the car, she said to me, "Momma, I really like our day together, you and me." Awwwwwww...so SWEET!

The BIG test was the separation. I took Sydney to school while Lindsey & I will went to the doctor alone. They do NOT do well separated. I don't know if I told you about all that. We've been trying to just take one or the other on little errands. Recently, Brian ran to get Chinese takeout and took Lindsey with him. OMG! You'd think we cut off an arm!! Sydney cried the entire time (a half an hour) they were gone saying how she missed her sister, I love Lindsey, etc. They called while they were gone and she was still crying and got on the phone to talk to Lindsey. She was saying the same things. I miss you Lindsey. You're the best sister ever. Yada. Yada. Yada. And when they were reunited! Holy smokes, you'd think they hadn't seen each other for a year! That time it was just a spur of the moment thing and with them, I really have to talk about things ahead of time, so we had been talking about Sydney going to school and Lindsey coming with me. This time it was Lindsey who was all upset, but we got it worked out. I really just tried to make it seem like a big adventure with mom, doctor, lunch, etc.

I guess I prepared them well for the day, because they were just fine. It was SO CUTE too. When I dropped Sydney at school, Lindsey says to her, "Bye Sydney, have a good day at school today!" Then Sydney says, "Bye Lindsey, have a good day at the eye doctor!" Followed by the "I'll miss you’s". Their reuniting went well too. Sydney was really happy to see us and the first thing she wanted to see were Lindsey's eyes.

They are really sweet with each other. It warms my heart.

A YEAR OF COLOR: Tumbleweed

TUMBLEWEED - Cinnamon Cider candle

Starting something new for the year. They are halfway through, but thought I'd jump in anyway.

Fun stuff!

Forgot to post this last month...

I have another one too, but for some reason it's on my mom's computer. I'll have to post that one too.

This is Sydney.


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FINALLY!

It's January 1, for Pete's sake and we live in Minnesota! Our kids should get to play in the snow before now! They really enjoyed being outside today, even if it's not much. It's a good thing they got out too, because it's going to all melt within a couple days anyway.

I imagine we'll get a ton of snow at the end of March, maybe even April this year. That seems to be how it usually works. Oh, well..

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Christmas in The Great "Brown" North.

Okay, you all know I live in Minnesota. You would think that we'd have some of that beautiful, fluffy white stuff, wouldn't you? Alas, but no, we spent another Christmas without snow. Now I'm sure many people are happy about this occurance, but I'm not one of them. Damn Global Warming. I'm sure this is the culprit. Part of the reason, I choose to live here is because I LOVE the change of seasons, and a season to me includes snow! Oh, I will admit that it is nice to not have to deal with all the snowboots, snowpants, hats and mittens that go along with the snow and two preschoolers, but we're missing out on a lot too. NO WORRIES though...as we have LOTS of winter left and I feel pretty confident in saying that we'll probably get dumped on a few times yet.

Back to our Christmas...due to no snow, our front yard looked like this on Christmas Day:

rather than this (note this is our old house):

All in all, we had a very nice Christmas. We celebrated on Saturday, the 23rd with my family because the girls' church school Christmas program was on Christmas Eve night. We gathered at my aunt & uncle's home for dinner, which was too much! We were all stuffed. All the kids loved opening a few presents and playing together.

On Christmas Eve, I spent some of the day wrapping presents and then it was time to get ready for the program. The girls were dressed so cute and were so excited to be singing and reciting. They had been practicing "Joy to the World" and "Little Jesus in the Manger". We got there, brought them to their room, and then found a place to sit. They walked in with their class and then sat with their teacher. BUT, no singing from Lindsey and Sydney were to be heard because THIS happened:


Poor things...people were even taking pictures of them! It was pretty cute. We carried them out and they didn't wake up until we got to the car. After that, it was over to Grandma & Grandpa's for a lite supper of appetizers and some visiting. We left about 8 p.m. and got home and into bed. Sleep came very quickly for L & S.

Christmas morning was so magical! I heard Sydney and Lindsey coming up the stairs around 7 a.m. and Sydney was saying,

"Momma, I don't think Santa came to our house. I didn't hear the reindeer on the roof and we don't have a chimney!"

I told them that I'm sure he came and they better go check their stockings. They ran up the stairs and then:

"He came! He came! There's things in our stockings!"

Brice had driven down the night before so he was able to spend time with us that morning. The girls opened their Santa gifts first while we waited for Brice to wake up. I whipped up a wonderful coffeecake that I make every Christmas morning. And we proceeded to jump into the gifts. We had to rush in order to make it to church by 10 a.m. I popped the Breakfast Casserole in the oven before we left and Brice took it out on time. Then my mom & dad and Grandma came over after church to spend some time playing with the girls and eating brunch. Lindsey took a nap and Sydney & I watched a movie. Later, we went over to my brother's house, hung out and ate more. Just what we needed! We came home and watched Rudolph. A fine ending to a perfect day.

I have a few pics of the girls and our Christmas here. Check them out! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday as well. Ours isn't quite over. We'll be traveling to Dh's family this weekend for some more food, visiting and fun.

Seasons Greetings from Our Home to Yours!

It's not always "the most wonderful time of the year".

My mind cannot focus these past few days. I’ve opened Word on several occasions wanting to make an entry to my blog, but no words came, or they were a jumble of words that didn’t make sense.

You see, a dear friend of mine is suffering a lost so great right now. M is 25 weeks pregnant. Very soon, she will be delivering her precious daughter whose heart beats no more. It has been consuming almost all of my waking thoughts and even some of my sleeping ones. It is so tragic and senseless and I, like many others, will never understand why this happens. I do, have a faith in God, though, and I trust that His wisdom is infinite and that there are things that our human and finite minds just can’t understand. I don’t believe God causes these things to happen and I believe that he suffers along with us. We are His children, how could He not?

The thing is, I have been where M is. Soon, January 20th will be upon us, the day I gave birth to my angel son, Seth Allan. He was all of my hopes and dreams; after all those years of infertility, treatments, tests, and a miscarriage. Shattered. Sorrow. Darkness. Pain. Hurt that cuts like a knife and sometimes you can’t even breathe. Sleep that you desperately want, but somehow can’t get, because the tears come even when you sleep. Days go by and you wonder how you will make it through a day without crying or how you wonder if there will ever be a moment where your thought isn’t of him. No smiling, no laughter, no joy.

But then you turn toward others who have been where you’ve been. You cling to your spouse, who is suffering too, but is your ROCK. You find comfort in your family, friends, God, and people you don’t even know. You try to do some normal things. You seek out poems that make you feel better and you write poems to make you feel better. And one day, you laugh. And you feel bad because you shouldn’t be laughing, you shouldn’t be happy. But you work through those feelings and you know what? It IS okay to be happy. It’s okay to go on. You are still here with a life ahead of you, people who count on you, love to give, and gifts of yourself that you need to share.

When I lost Seth, there were many angels that appeared to me. My sister-in-law had told her church about us and they were all praying for us. One angel asked my sister-in-law for my address because she wanted to send me something. Shortly thereafter, I received a book that made a great difference in my healing and gave me comfort. She sent me a note, telling me her story of loss. She said that it was okay to lean on God and be angry with God, that he could take it. She said He will bring healing. And she had enclosed some laminated cards in her handwriting that I still carry around, now, five years later. I’d like to share these words with you.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

“Though you have made me see troubles many and bitter, You will restore my life again. From the depths of the earth You will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.” Psalm 71: 20-21

“And the God of all grace…after you have suffered a little while will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” 1 Peter 5:10

I never met this woman. I only know her as Carla. I did send her a thank you, but I hope she REALLY knows what a difference she made in my life at a time when I really needed it.

So, today, the day of baby “Rs” birth, please say a prayer for M, G and their two little girls. Say a prayer for all the mothers of angels in Heaven; the fathers too. They sometimes get forgotten.

We are with you in spirit, M & G.

Another cute Lindsey & Sydney Christmas Carol.

Second verse of Away in a Manger.

The cattle are lonely...
the poor baby wakes.

Those poor cattle. I guess they could be lonely!

The girls had their Sunday School Christmas Program today. I was so proud of them. They did so good considering they missed the last practice due to being sick, and at the first practice they wouldn't even go up to the front or leave my side!

Here they are during the opening song ("O Come Little Children") after they walked in with the other kids.



And THEN, they got up by themselves and did this finger play called, "See the Baby Jesus".

See the baby Jesus
Lying in the hay.
He came to earth to show His love
And teach us how to pray.
See the little baby sleeping.
He came for you and me.
To save His people from our sin,
He died to set us free.

Complete with actions too!




Next, we have their school (also a church) Christmas program which is on Christmas Eve. They have been practicing a lot! I know they'll do well!

Grammar...(no, not your grandma)

Fun stuff on a Saturday afternoon...

Your Language Arts Grade: 100%

Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).

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Make a Quiz

It Blows.

Singing Christmas carols is a way of life around here. I hear them singing as they are falling asleep and I wake up to them singing. A current favorite:

"Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, had a very
shiny nose, and if you ever saw him, you would even say it BLOWS!"

Oh...listening to them sing is good for my soul!

Note to self: Buy more twin mattress pads

Yes, having only two mattress pads when your kids are sick is NOT a good thing.

Saturday night we awoke at 1 a.m. to a little girl standing beside our bed saying:

"I coughed and then I puked in my bed."

Poor thing. It was all over and awful smelling (when isn't it?). DH headed to the bathroom to give her a bath because it was really gunked into her hair. I headed downstairs to take care of the bed. And what before my eyes did appear when I turned on the lights, but another little girl sitting in her bed covered in puke! UGH!

Long story, short...we were basically up all night, changing towels/blankets (we made a big bed on the floor), changing pajamas, numerous baths, etc. I did get a little sleep from about 4:30 - 7:30 a.m. and DH got to sleep from about 7:30 - 9 a.m.

I'm not sure what it was, viral, something they ate, but they did both end up running low grade fevers. By yesterday evening, they were doing much better and were pretty much back to being themselves this morning!

Me, well, I'm still finishing up all the laundry. Oh, and I'd better add those mattress pads on my list of things to buy. Although, I do think the big bed on the floor with layers of blankets works quite well. Just peel off a layer and back down they go!

4 Year Check Ups...

...and the pediatrician SAID, "They're HEALTHY!"

I really didn't expect any surprises, but it's always good to hear those words. It's always so amazing to me think of where they started and to see them now. I'm just in awe, almost surprised, that when the doctor asks me, "Are they on any medications?", I can say NO. Or, "Are there any long term issues?" I can say NO. "Do you have any concerns about them?" I can say NO.

I'm a little late on the appointments, but since we've moved, I had to look for a new pediatrician. I spent quite a bit of time checking out different options (via the internet) in towns near us. I decided against seeing the local Family Practice. I did take Sydney there in August and was very pleased with the doctor we saw, but I just feel more comfortable, given their start in life, seeing a pediatrician.

I decided on the clinic in the town just to the west of us. The female pediatrician that we are now seeing, well, her name seemed very familiar to me, but I didn't really KNOW her. I also found out in my research that she has twin boys (another reason I chose her).

So, we got to the appointment and didn't have very long to wait. The girls were weighed and measured first. Sydney came in at 38.5" tall and 28.4 lbs. Lindsey is right behind her at 38" tall and 27 lbs. They are still so tiny for four, BUT...the doc told me that (GET THIS), they are actually ON the chart for their weight. FIRST TIME EVER! Sydney was in the 10th percentile for weight and 25th for height. Lindsey was in the 5th percentile for weight and 10th for height!

Now, I've never really been all that concerned about them being ON the chart. It was drilled into my head very early that they aren't concerned with that, just so that they are following the curve. They've just always been on their own curve. Anyway, it's a little exciting.

They had their hearing checked which Sydney "sort of" did and Lindsey wouldn't let the nurse put the thing in her ears. They also had a vision screening which they told me they both fell in the 20/30 - 20/40 range, but is within normal limits. They see the pediatric opthamalogist due to their ROP anyway, which I told her about.

The doc and I had a nice visit about them and their prematurity and come to find out, she was doing her residency at Children's when L & S were in the NICU. She told me that when she saw their names, she told her nurse that they can't be new patients because their names sound so familiar. That's why! She saw them every day for four months!

Oh, there is one other thing. She did hear a heart murmur on Lindsey. She asked if she'd ever had one before. No. She said it's probably nothing. We can just monitor it or she'd be more than happy to order an echocardiogram just to get it checked out. I decided to just wait for now. I need to talk about it with Brian. In the meantime, she ordered both of the girls charts from our old pediatrician. She said it's possible that it was noted previously in the chart, but they just didn't mention anything to me thinking it wasn't a big deal.

L & S both got the flu shot. The doc also mentioned the Hep A Vaccine. No rush in getting it. I passed on it and told her that I wanted to do more research. What do you all know about the vaccine?

Can I just RANT about something too? I brought a copy of L & S's vaccine records with me. WHAT THE HECK? How come can't they get these right? I mean, when we go for our check ups, BOTH of the girls are there, BOTH get the SAME shots on the SAME day. BUT...apparently, Sydney had the Chicken Pox, Polio, and Hep B on the same day, but Lindsey only had the Polio and Hep B on that day. No Chicken Pox. Then at another time, without going into details, Sydney had the MMR, but Lindsey didn't, and Lindsey had the Hib which Sydney didn't. Where is that banging your head emoticon when you need it? OH, here it is ==>

Anyhoo, all in all, everything went fine, was fine. It's all good. Hopefully, we won't need to see her again for another year! Wouldn't that be awesome?

Funkity, Funk, Funk...

I've been in a little funk of sorts the past few days. I spent a little time reflecting on it, because I'm not one to really get in funks. You know, I'm one of those "glass half full" girls. I don't generally worry about things; I just don't usually have down times for the most part. Especially during the holiday season. I LOVE this time of year and being in the holiday spirit.

I wasn't sure what was causing it, but I think it's a few things. One in particular is that I think it has to do with my free time this past weekend. DH left on Saturday morning for Green Bay. He went to the Packer game yesterday and will be back sometime today. The girls went to my parent's house on Saturday night overnight. It's an annual tradition they do with the grandkids and this is the first year that L & S get to partake. Everyone was excited for it. My parents also had my niece, C (12) and my nephew, D (9). They spend the night decorating their house and tree and then they go downtown for the "Deck the Falls" celebration. They have a short parade, hot apple cider and cookies at the merchants and then they light the big tree in the center of town. I'm glad that L & S are able to be a part of all of this now.

But back to my funk...I knew all this was happening earlier in the week. I decided it was a great time to do something with a friend. Generally, I'm a homebody. When DH takes the kids somewhere, I like to stay home, enjoy the quiet, a book, my pajamas, a movie, organizing without kids underfoot, whatever...just doing what I want to do in the house and not have to worry about anything else. BUT this time, I was really motivated to go out! I called several different friends to see about getting together; ALL of them busy.

My mom had run into an old friend of mine during the day on Saturday and she asked where I was. She works at the winery and told my mom to have me stop down later. I decided that was a great idea. After I dropped the girls at my parent's, I went shopping for a bit. (BTW, I did find a great rug for the girls room that I was looking for and some buffet lamps!) Shopping was a success so I headed back to CF and to the winery. I go inside and no S. I ask where she is and the woman tells me that she just left! They let her go home early!

Isn't that just my luck? I know I could've given her a call or something, but you know what...by this time my homebodiness was taking over. My jammies were calling me.

I ended up having a nice evening, a glass of wine, comfy jammies and T.V. I watched the last episode of Big Love. I'm all caught up now. I'm very upset with the darn DVR though. I guess it's my fault because I didn't know how it worked. But, it deleted three movies that I didn't get a chance to watch because the disk was full. UGH! No warning, nothing. I had wanted to watch In Her Shoes last night. I've heard it was a good movie. Anyway, now I've figured out that I have to "Protect" the movie. Won't happen again. I'm prepared for the next time I'm Home Alone.

I am thankful for my grandfather.

Today is Thanksgiving, a day where we think about all the blessings in our life, who and what we are thankful for. I have so many things to be thankful for. My cup runneth over.

But today I'd like to tell you about my grandfather. He passed away three years ago today at age 83. I was very close to my grandpa. I was the oldest grandchild and the only granddaughter. You can bet we had a very special relationship.

I grew up only about a half mile away from my grandparents and spent lots of time with them. I could walk through the pasture to their house and did just that quite often. We spent time together, doing everyday things. They were always there for me (and my grandma still is). My grandfather was a wise man, a business owner, a farmer, quick-witted, stubborn, and proud. He loved having his family around and always wanted us together on birthday's and holiday's.

Sometimes, out of the blue, like while I'm in the middle of a store or doing laundry, I will find myself recalling a memory of him, of something he taught me (and he taught me a lot), and my eyes will fill with tears. I am comforted by the thought that he is watching over me and my family; guiding me from afar.

I'm sad that my girls will never know him the way that I did. They were only a little over a year old when he died. His memory wasn't as sharp the last few years, which I think was really hard on him.

Now, I have moved back to my hometown to be close to family. My hope is that my girls can have the relationship with their grandparents that I had with mine. I can only provide the opportunity, but hopefully a similar relationship will cultivate. My strong family ties are a big part of the "who" I am today...and I'm very proud of that.

Thank you, Grandpa.

Grandpa Bud
(written & read by me at his funeral)

In 1920, my grandpa was born,
The first of three to arrive on the farm.
His parents, Frank & Anne, were happy to see,
A little boy added to the family tree.

I don’t know much about his childhood days.
He worked real hard milking cows and baling hay.
He finished school at the end of eighth grade ~
With a head for figures; a fine farmer he made.

He met my grandma when he was about twenty-six.
She thought him quite handsome; he thought her a good catch.
They dated a short while and then got hitched
On a cold, wintry day in 1946.

In 1950, a business began.
Hauling lime to the fields was in high demand.
Knoblauch Lime Co. was its name;
It continues to grow, even now to this day.

It wasn’t long before the house was filled
With a little boy and two little girls.
He continued to farm; he had a love for the land.
Good thing he had help from the hired hands.

His children grew up and went on their way,
But they kept close by as they had lots to say.
Then the grandchildren were born, and they loved him so.
He teased them plenty as they began to grow.

He could be blunt and quite stubborn, but what a softie inside.
And when he spoke of his grandkids, it was always with pride.
And in their eyes he was someone they wanted to model,
He was smart and so wise, and respected by all.

I’ve looked up to my grandpa since I was a girl.
He taught me so much about life in this world.
On being honest and thankful for all that I’ve got.
And he gave great advice, whether I took it or not.

He has now passed on to a much better place,
Where he walks in the garden with His Holy Grace,
Laughing and teasing and chewing his cigar
As he looks down upon us, guiding us from a far.

And even though he is gone and we’ll see him no more
Doing some fishing or combining corn.
He’ll always be with us; we’re not really apart
For we all have our memories of him in our hearts.

My Patriotic Girls

I love that they say the Pledge of Allegiance every morning in school. I think they are talking so well, and seem so articulate to me!

Sydney


Lindsey


Oh, and if you are wondering about what Lindsey is saying after she is done saying the Pledge, I asked her about it. She told me that she was talking to me in Spanish!

Prematurity Awareness Month

Yesterday was Prematurity Awareness Day.

It's a chance to reflect on my journey; our previous life in the NICU. Some days it seems like so long ago, barely four years, and at other times, it seems like yesterday.

Yesterday...

when I was on bedrest at home due to an incompetent cervix and having a cerclage placed. Through all my infertile life, I remember thinking "if I could just get pregnant, then everything would be okay". Once I got pregnant for the first time and had a miscarriage, I remember thinking "if I could just make it to 12 weeks, then everything would be okay". So, after my fourth IUI/INJ cycle, I got pregnant again and at 19 weeks, my world fell apart when I lost our son, Seth Allan, to what we now know was an incompetent cervix. I'll never view 12 weeks as safe or even 20 weeks or even 30.

Honestly, it's never safe. Yes, the statistics get better as time goes on, but one never knows. I'm forever changed because no matter how far along someone is, the thought always crosses my mind that something could happen. I'll never feel that blissful naivete that many do as they go through a pregnancy. Not that I'm planning on getting pregnant, but I will never feel that about anyone else either. NOTHING, in regards to my reproductive organs or life, has, or ever will be, normal. I've been angry about it. I've mourned. I've accepted it.

My third pregnancy (after two more IUI/INJ cycles) was, well, really quite rocky the entire time. I did have a few weeks in the middle (which for me was around week 14-17), where I actually felt pretty good. No bedrest, no bleeding. At 22 weeks, it changed again when my blood pressure at home on bedrest was elevating and I went in to have it checked. My doctor proceeded to immediately admit me and I went into a dark room and on that awful stuff called Magnesium Sulfate. I guess lucky for me, I was quite oblivious to what this all meant. I was able to get two courses of steroid shots to help mature the girls lungs. The problem was that I ended up not tolerating the Mag and developed pulmonary edema. I was on oxygen and gaining 2-5 lbs.of fluid a day. They stopped the Mag.

The next few days passed by and I had no idea of the severity of my condition: Preeclampsia. Nine days after being admitted to the hospital, the doctor rounding, whirled into my room and told me that we couldn't wait any longer. You're having a C-section at 4 p.m. I called my husband and told him to come to the hospital. I was sobbing. When he got there, I was telling him that I didn't know WHY they were doing this. I was FINE! I could make it longer. I could make it to 28 weeks. I called the doctor back in. I needed him to explain to me why they were doing this. 24 weeks was too early! Needless to say, he went through the list of the reasons: my blood pressure, the protein in my urine, my weight gain, my kidney function. He said they had limits to each of these and he'd already let me go past them to get me to 24 weeks. It was time.

And with that, I was propelled into another new experience: life in the NICU and the rollercoaster ride that comes along with it. Times two. My time in the NICU really deserves it's own post. It was a long 114 days. I journaled every day. It was very therapeutic for me. You can read my journals at L & S's Caring Bridge page. Just click on Read Journal History.

I'm sharing some of my story today, like many others have. Premature birth is a serious, common and costly problem. It can happen to any pregnant woman, and no one really knows why. 1 in 8 babies are born too soon. 1 in 8! Many do not survive. We were one of the lucky ones. I will never forget where my girls started, how hard they have fought or how very far they have come. In an instant, things could have turned out so differently. I have been blessed.

THEN


NOW

Housewarming Party and 40th Birthday...

Last Saturday was our housewarming party. We had a really good turnout; about 36 guests throughout the night and maybe 12 kids or so; friends, relatives, co-workers, and almost all of our new neighbors! We had planned to have the food and big part of the party in our garage (yes, I know it's November in Minnesota, LOL), and we still did, even though the temp was only 40 degrees. It figures that it was beautiful the weekend before and in the SEVENTIES three days before, but alas, we still had a great time.

I spent the week running errands; getting food, cleaning, hanging pictures, finding home decor items. Thanks so much to my mom, grandma, aunt and sister-in-law for helping with the food. Our menu consisted of Sloppy joes, Greek salad, chips, cheese & crackers, veggies & dip, and several desserts: Cream cheese bars, pumpkin bars, brownies, and chocolate cake. And of course, the beer, wine, and drinks were flowing!

DH got the garage ready that morning. We had carpet on the floor and he fired up the space heaters. It climbed from a cool 39 degrees to almost 60 F! I was amazed at how many people stayed out there in the evening. There was plenty of room inside and we had tables set up all over.

I was a poor photographer though, and got no pictures of everything set up; only a few pictures later in the evening. I didn't even get pictures of the signs that Brian had made at work saying:

Welcome to our Housewarming party which has absolutely nothing to do with Kim's 40th Birthday on Monday, November 13!

But, you get the drift! We received some wonderful housewarming gifts - plants, wine, etc., but the best part was sharing the evening with our friends. Honestly, I haven't had such a fun and relaxing time for a long, long while. It was nice to just sit, visit, kick back, eat, talk, drink, and know that I didn't have to drive anywhere!

The girls had such a good time playing with the kids and then between 7-8 p.m., my sister-in-law took the girls to her house, along with my niece & nephew, where they stayed overnight and my niece babysat.

Later in the evening, all the party moved inside, with some dice shaking going on downstairs and girl talk going on upstairs! The party broke up around 12:30 a.m. and one of my girlfriends stayed overnight, so of course, we were up a little bit later chit-chatting.

As for my 40th Birthday on Monday, it was pretty uneventful. I received a bunch of very beautiful cards and gifts. I spent the days with my girls and they loved singing to me. We went out for a family dinner at the Country Kitchen. Did you know that you get a free dinner and ice cream sundae on the actual date of your birthday? Brian got off pretty easy with my dinner free and the girls split a kid's meal.

Oh, I did get a nice compliment the other day, when I told someone I had just turned 40. They said, "No WAY! I thought you were about 32!" Hey THANKS!

I'll be a hunting widow this weekend. Brian is leaving on Friday and will be back on Sunday. It's going to be a fun girls weekend, hanging out with Lindsey & Sydney and my girlfriends. Hmmmm....what kind of fun food can we whip up while we're sitting in our jammies watching movies?